Thursday, April 7, 2011

What's Happening In Therapy?

Well, if you ask me, I think some light bulbs are going off! 

Last week, MK decided to draw a picture.  She has a hard time with things don't turn out how she pictured them.   So she drew this picture and it just didn't turn out well, so she wanted to just throw it away.  Instead Dr. P asked if she could have it.  MK agreed that Dr. P could have it.  So Dr. P started making a collage around this picture MK drew.  The picture was to symbolize adoption in some way.  Once MK saw how Dr. P had "rescued" the picture, MK wanted it back.  The conversation went like this per Dr. P:

Dr. P:  Well I think I am finished, how is your new picture going?
MK:  I want my old picture back now.
Dr. P:  But you told me I could have it.
MK:  Well I only told you that because I thought you wanted it, not that you would change it.
Dr. P:  Well you said you had messed it up and couldn't fix it, so I decided to keep it instead of throwing it away.
MK:  But now that it is fixed I want it back.  I didn't want it if it was messy, but it looks pretty now so can I please have it back. 

Per Dr. P this is when they looked at one another and this light bulb went off.  She said it was an unspoken light bulb moment, but what she took from it was that MK suddenly realized that IF her birth parents aren't "messy" or if she isn't "messy" they will or she will want them back.    That little "what if" is our biggest barrier to overcome. 

Last night she cried she doesn't want to let her birth family out of her heart.  I told her she doesn't have to.  We're not asking her not to love them.  We're asking her to understand that their choices were NOT good for her, it wasn't a safe place to be, that even though they loved her, they were not able to care for her in the way she deserves.  We can all hope that they are doing better with their choices, but sometimes we can't "fix" the really bad choices we've made, especially when they hurt other people, and even more so when those people are little kids. 

All of this would explain the erruption she had over adoption after that session last week

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