Well, today we had our very first "control pee". It came from Layla.
She was in a bit of a mood because we had to end our family time to do some chores. I will say, both my husband and I handled her very calmly and talked to her about cleaning her room quickly so that we could spend more time together. She wasn't really having it though. She does NOT like to feel like she's not the boss... and she HATES when she's wrong!
She eventually calmed herself down enough that I was able to rationalize with her about cleaning up her room, then being a sweet, happy kid again and joining us for more cuddle time on the couch.
About 10 minutes later she peeked her head out and said, "Mommy I wet my bed, I need new sheets". At first, I thought she meant overnight she had wet her bed. When I arrived to her room though, that wasn't the case. She had literally just sat on her bed and wet it.
I sat down calmly on the other (dry) end as she stood in her wet clothes and I asked her if she thought peeing would make mommy mad... she said no.... I told her that mommy was not mad, but I was a little sad for her. Then I asked if she peed because she thought it would make her feel in charge of her body... she said yes.
I asked her if it worked, if peeing made her feel incharge, and she said, "No, now I feel like I need a bath".
So I told her to go ahead and run her water and take her bath, then when she was finished, we could finish cleaning her room.
I think she thought the results might be different. I believe she thought it would make her feel in control. What I don't think she realized is that no one was even taking her control away. She WAS in control the whole time, pee or no pee. She was the one deciding to clean or not, to be happy or sad, etc.
I felt bad for her... but I know she is very fragile right now. She has been for the past month.
Tuesday of next week, we're having a one-on-one session with her therapist. Meaning just my husband and I. I am very hopeful that she can help us formulate a plan to keep Layla on the right track of healing.
We're working so hard to help her, but we're only human. We have feelings and emotions just like our kids do, and we've worked to keep them in check so that the kids are able to heal.
It is hard, very hard... but we're trying... more than most people would... so that is where we are.
Hopefully, the pee is done and over with!