Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Honesty

Yesterday MK had a doctor's appointment for a medication check.  She has had a GREAT month!  She's been helpful, compliant, honest, made 100's on almost all of her school work, just an overall joy to be around. 

After the appointment, I had planned to go grocery shopping, because for about two weeks, between the whole house being sick and having no drive to cook, we've only eaten from places that require you to roll down a window. 

On the way to the store, MK asked me, "Mommy what is full blood?"  I explained it in the context of family.  She said, "Layla is my full blood" and I had to correct her, because I just do NOT ever want to make her feel like I lied to her or I broke her trust. 

So I explained that Layla is her 1/2 sister, they have different dads.  She understands how babies are made, she even understood that Layla's dad didn't come along until she was 1 yr old.  She just had a HARD time wrapping her head around it though... which was fine... and I understood she was confused and backed off.

She of course took her confusion and frustration out on me.  Told me she didn't need parents, she could "take care" of herself.  She would be fine on her own.   She doesn't love me or think this is the right family for her, etc. 

I just let her rant on and on.  Finally, I said, "I know that you feel sad and confused over this, so let's just drop it and go on w/ our day".   She agreed and told me "We are not talking about this ever again... and DON'T TELL LAYLA!"

At bedtime last night, she apologized for the "mean" things she said to me.  Which is a BIG step for her.  She said she does love us, and wants to stay with us forever and be adopted.  She also informed me her birthmom gave her directions to the judge so we could do the adoption now (that is a lie, her BM doesn't have contact... maybe she dreamt it?).

I think she's going to be back on track now, but it felt like a setback.

I just don't want to lie to my kids.  They have a past, and I want them to know about it, maybe I needed to be more delicate, but I don't really see how I could have been.

Honesty IS always the best policy right?

3 comments:

Rhiannon said...

I don't think you needed to change your response one bit. You weren't making being 1/2 sisters sound like a bad thing. And families are made up of all kinds of fractions now a day! LOL My two FKs are part of a group of 4 that all have different Dads. Add their Mom's various boyfriends that called Dad and they probably could make up a basketball team... Thanks for sharing with us.

QuackenBaby said...

Additionally, as a followup... I explained her Aunt Abby is my 1/2 sister... but we don't call one another that... we're just SISTERS! :)

Lisa said...

Nodding my head at Rhiannon's comment.
IMHO honesty is always best. Telling them the truth on whatever level they understand is giving them a firm foundation of truth and reality. Good job!