Just A Little Off...

Tonight (and all weekend) MK was just a little off. We attributed the weekend behaviors to skipping her ADHD meds (in an effort to lessen the tolerance building up quickly) but today just completely off.

I had a call from school. She came to the nurses office and complained of a variety of ailments. They included chills, headache, tummy ache, cough, stuffy nose, and sleepiness. No fever, and appeared perfectly healthy. The nurse called me and we decided to let her stay the rest of the daily. Mostly because in her "sickened" state she mentioned how everyone else in our house had been sick (meaning it was her turn!).

Tonight they arrived home and I could just tell her focus was in some other place. Thankfully, I was in a very fun and perky mood. I was truly in the "therapeutic zone".

At one point about 5 minutes from bedtime, she TOLD her sister to move over on the couch and proceeded to push her out of the way as she plunked herself down. I immediately said, "MK, that was incredibly RUDE... Layla, you do not have to move just because your sister told you to".

We gave her the chance for a re-do, but she wasn't in the mood, so it being bed time, we told her this was probably a sign she was tired and she could head back and we would follow her to tuck her in. She grabbed a book, headed back, and SLAMMED the door.

My husband went back to check on her, because, you know, we don't like our doors to be slammed.

She then started with the "you don't even love me" stuff.

I told him to walk away, she just wanted to engage him, not to talk.

I went back to tuck her in, and talk to her. She proceeded to tell me that she HATES school and she wishes she never had to go, and she wishes everyone at school was dead. Well the "I have a hurt kid" part of me knew this didn't have a thing to do with school.

So at that point, I told her to lay on down, tucked her in, turned on the sound machine, and told her I loved her. She was still trying to argue with me, but I walked away.

After tucking in Layla, I stopped back by her room. Crawled up next to her in bed, and hugged her and told her I love her and I was feeling sad for her because she seems like she has something going on. She broke down and cried and said that she is scared. I felt it was genuine. She said her birth parents keep coming in her dreams and telling her monsters will come and kill her. She went on and on about her birth parents hurting her, and she wants them out of her head. Finally I talked her into a calm state and told her she was safe, they don't know us or where we live, so they can't hurt her.

She then said she felt bad for how she treated daddy, and she felt so bad for being so mean. I told her daddy wasn't angry at her, he was upset with himself because he couldn't figure out what was bothering her. She said, "I just really care for him". So I told her I would send him in to talk to her.

He went in and came out and all seemed well for her to drift to sleep.

My poor girl. She's had a GREAT month. I mean no fits, no ODD flare-ups, just an overall joy to be around.

I hate for her that she lives with the fear of them hurting her. It truly breaks my heart... but not as much as it has already broken hers.