Thursday, January 27, 2011

Delayed Consequences

Delaying the consequence is SO hard for me!  I mean so incredibily hard I just want to kick something!

So yesterday I picked up MK from school for therapy.  We get to the office.  I say, "We had a pretty good week, she got green faces at school, no huge blow ups over the weekend".  It's amazing how quickly my tolerance level for "great week" has changed.   Great week used to mean something totally different.  Now it means, "She didn't physically kick, hit, punch, or bite me this week.  At this moment I don't have any bruises or busted veins due to her getting physical".    So yea, it was a great week last week, and this week is shaping up to be just as good. 

While in therapy though we did some attachment stuff.  She talked about what she did good over the last week (not her favorite topic mind you) and when she gave eye contact and said it to me, I fed her a bite of cookie that her therapist had baked. 

So here were the good things.  I was very shocked she came up with this many:

1)  I got all green faces at school.
2)  I presented my project and my friend gave me two thumbs up!
3)  I got to do my map of my room project with my mom and we did team work and it was fun.  I was happy she stayed home instead of going on date day with daddy.
4)  My mommy took me to the grocery store and I didn't even touch anything because she let me get my own cart.  But mommy told me if I run in to her with it she was taking it away.  But I didn't run into her, and I got to put things in my little cart that were for our snack drawer.  
5)  My mom cuddled with me and it helped make my heart heal. (AWWW!)

Ok... 5 things for MK is pretty damn good! 

So after listing those things, we talked about how when her heart feels like its healing it is easier for her to talk about those happy things.  I then told her maybe we could bake some cookies at home.

This comes back to my delayed consequence.  We arrived home at 3:30, she went to her room for homework time.  At 5:30, my husband arrived home.  Her homework still was not finished.  By 6:30 she had finished it.   I did my very best not to get upset and frustrated.  I had a few moments of clenched teeth as I explained to her how to count backwards... but all together it was pretty good.   They go to bed at 7:00 and she hadn't had dinner yet.   So she had 30 minutes for dinner and PJs.  

There I sit, stood, paced, waiting for her to say, "But mommy you said we could bake cookies".  To which I had prepared my reply, "Sweetheart we don't have time for cookies because you choose to do your homework for three hours".  

BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY IT!   I am holding on to this one though... because sooner or later it will come up.

I am going to post another little blog about the 5 things she did well this week. 


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