Saturday, September 25, 2010


That is the new little "mantra" we say when we feel a "fit" a.k.a. tantrum coming on now.  We also have a scream at home rule.  Meaning that if we feel angry and we think there is a fit about to start, we just scream it out!  

Today we had three times that fits almost occurred.  The first time was at breakfast.  When she started to shut down and withdrawal/suck her thumb... I went over by her seat and sat down on the floor.  Then I looked at her and told her "We don't need any fits today because we have a fun day planned".  That didn't really change things.  So I then told her she looked a little sad and angry so maybe we should scream a little to let that fit get out of her body.   First, I screamed... she quickly followed.  Then I said, "Go away fit, she is safe, happy, and loved here!"  She repeated it and pretty soon she was back to her fun loving self. 

I pushed her chair in, returned to my seat, and my husband looked across the table at me and told me I was amazing.  He couldn't believe I had talked her down from a full blown tantrum.  He continued to give me kudos throughout the day, which made me feel even more confident!

We had a couple other close run-ins but we tried the same technique and it worked!

We did a lot of cuddle time and movie watching today.  We also went to the park with my brother and my only local niece. 

All in all, it was a great day!  Lots of work, but very good. 

As a side note, we are seeing a new primary care doctor in October that has a good level of experience with behavioral issues and anxiety.   I really think that if we can solve the anxiety issues our four year old has, that it will in turn help the tantrums.  More info to come soon on that! 


Sarah said...

I just wanted to let you know what I think you are doing is amazing and I think you are doing a great job! I have been reading your blogs and forum posts for months (I am/was GeorgiaGirl33 there). I quit visiting the forums because 1) I decided I'm not ready to adopt yet. I've still got things I want to do with my life before I become a mother and 2) Some of the women who post there are the most judgmental people I've ever dealt with. They see everything as what they think it should be, not what it is. They do not realize not everyone agrees with all of their opinions and not every situation is just like theirs and they have very little respect for those who don't. Every post I made, I was afraid I would get jumped on like you did when you vented in your post about disruption.

I actually just went and read the posts and it just made me sick!

I just wanted to let you know, the people who support and understand your frustrations outweigh the ones who don't. I hope these people are more encouraging of their children when they get frustrated and fed up with something and vent than they are when someone does it on the forums!

And I hope you and your husband and the girls continue to see improvement and in the end, you all make the right decision for all parties involved, even your dogs! I have two rescue dogs, myself, and that would be the ultimate deal-breaker for me. I would never get rid of my dogs because of a child, biological or adopted and I would never tolerate mistreatment of the animals in my home by another human being. That's not a normal behavior and anyone who does it continuously needs a lot of help. It's not about choosing the dog over the child, it's about teaching the child how to conduct themselves as a human being.

I hope you're able to teach your daughters to love and respect animals as much as you do! I think people who do that are the best kinds of people and I think it will help your girls grow up to be good people!

OK, sorry this is kind of rambling and all over the place but I just got so mad when I read some of the replies to your thread and wanted you to know you have so much love and support out here, even from people who do not comment. You have to do what's right for you and your husband, what's right for the girls, and even what's right for your dogs...not what's right for a few rude people with too much time on their hands, who think they are the ultimate experts on foster care and adoption!! ;-) Good luck and I hope to keep reading about your adventures! I know you have your hands full but I really admire all you're doing for these girls and no matter what happens, you love them and you're making the best decisions for them, and that's more than most adults in their lives have given them!

Fatcat said...

That's great. I think this is a very good way to teach her that she can learn to control this!