Friday, August 27, 2010

Unexpected Meeting...

**Sorry again forum friends, copy+paste is just easier!**

Our girls are from a family of 5 kids. They are 6 and 4, they have 3 year old brothers that are twins, and a 1 year old baby brother.

In their first foster home, they were with their twin brothers. Due to the tantrums and magnitude of four children, the girls were moved to a new foster home and their brothers stayed with the original foster family.
Tonight we had an unintended bump in to their original foster mom. She is a very nice lady, we will call her "Sandy" and I do not for one second fault her for her choice to have the girls moved. I COMPLETELY understand the difficulty of parenting just my four year old with her tantrums.
Well, this meeting brought out a lot of negative emotions in my four year old. She came very, very, close to a full blown tantrum. She hasn't had one since last Friday... a whole week ago!

After she cooled down, and successfully avoided the tantrum we had a long talk at bed time.
She said seeing "Sandy" made her mad and angry. Then she said she misses her brothers. She also said she got mad at herself because she felt like she was about to have a tantrum and she couldn't stop it.

It breaks my heart. I know she feels like "Sandy" gave up on her and she feels abandonment over that situation.

After tonight, I have decided she is just not ready to see them yet. She needs time to process the emotions she feels before they get thrown in her face once again.

When she feels insecure she will suck her thumb. I asked her if she felt like she wasn't "safe"? She said she didn't feel safe. I picked her up and held her and told her she is always safe with mommy and daddy. I smiled at her and said "Who's your mommy?" She said, "You're my mommy and I love you." I held her for a few more minutes and once she stopped sucking her thumb I laid her down in bed and kissed her goodnight.

She breaks my heart into pieces! I am SO proud of her though. She talked, avoided a tantrum, and she is 100% proud of her success this week! Plus she started daycare this week, a HUGE change, and we STILL didn't have any fits or tantrums! I am amazed!

Lots of stickers and tons of praise goes way further than I ever expected it to!

1 comment:

Hurdles of Life said...

Great Job!! Our 4 yr old FD is a thumb sucker too.. she does it for the same reasons.. anxious, scared, unsafe. But I have to say that I noticed it less today than I did last weekend. :) Oh and the crying at bedtime.. NON-EXISTENT!!