Friday, August 13, 2010

Holding Back Tears

Yesterday, my 6 year old learned a lesson and opened up.  She told my 4 yr old she "hated" her, which my 4 year old became upset over.  Then my 6 yr old lied about saying it.  I explained in a very calm and collected manner that lying is not accepted.  Lies will only get you in more trouble, and for each lie you tell, you have to tell another lie to cover it up.  Then my 6 year old cried.  I explained to her she wasn't in trouble this time, but we needed to be honest in the future, or she would have a concequence for lying.  Our 6 year old is tender hearted, very kind and loving, but despite her maturity, I have to often remind myself, she is 6 and didn't have the best guidance as a very young child. 

As she cried we talked about how she's feeling.  She said she misses her birth mommy sometimes and it makes her sad that she can't see her.  She said her mommy wasn't mean to her, but was to everyone else.  She said that she just didn't know how to take care of the kids. 

Then, she said to me, "The last time I saw my birth dad (who isn't actually her birth father at all) he told me he would buy me a Nintendo DS and a guitar.  I know he's probably working really hard right now to get that for me."

She isn't a manipulative child, I know what she said is what she felt.  She wasn't trying to get me to buy her those things, in her mind, she is truly convinced, he will be buying those things for her. 

I fought back tears.  I mean with everything in me, I fought them back.  The thought that this sweet amazing little girl has this glimmer of hope that he is going to get her those things.  It makes me so sad and it crushes my heart because I know we can't and won't be able to have any relationship with her birth family.  It's not healthy for the girls. 

Times like these make me see that we are meant to be the parents these girls deserve.

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