So it has been a few weeks since we found out the girls have a new baby sister. She is growing fast and I am excited to see her again. Layla has done very well since our visit, and any mention of her baby sister is a happy one. Layla likes being my baby girl. She doesn't want baby "Sissy" to live here with us... because that would be the ultimate distraction from her.
MK on the other hand, has dealt with the news in a much different way. In hind-sight I saw the signs and didn't put the pieces together until I was sitting with her therapist talking about what all has happened since meeting "Sissy". MK had become very disconnected from me. Making very passive comments and just generally being disrespectful, which is very out of character for her. I realize that this brought up a lot of "stuff" about her, her birthmom, her past, her future...
I confronted MK while driving home with her (Layla was with her dad). I asked her if she was angry at me because I didn't "fight" to have the baby live with us. She quickly admitted that I was exactly correct. I explained once again that having the baby with us was not an option. Because she is in foster care, and we live out of the area, we can not legally bring her to live with us. Plus, she is with the girl's brother's family, and they are like extended family to us at this point. MK admitted that the baby reminds her of the good times. When Layla was a baby, before the drugs, and abuse, she was happy, and she remembers that. The other unfortunate thing, is that we now know mom is not making better choices. She is young, younger than I am, and I know that sadly this baby will not be her last, and it is just a matter of time before another baby comes into care.
It sucks... to know that a piece of my girls is missing for them. That they can't live with all of their siblings. Even though we keep contact, it is still so hard for them. We will continue to do the best we can with the cards we were dealt though. We love our "extended" family and are so grateful to keep that connection for our girls.
Since the realization that MK is having a hard time, I've committed myself to showing her more individual attention, no matter how hard that is at times. That push away she does to me... I just have to ignore it!
We will get back to normal just in time for something else to happen... because that is what keeps our life interesting!