I'm YOUR Mommy!

Last night we had dinner with my daughter's twin brothers, as well as their first foster parents.  I was really worried about this, but I figured I needed to bite the bullet and take whatever reactions came from it.  Thankfully, there weren't any from my girls.  It was a pleasant dinner.  The FFP's couldn't believe the MAJOR difference in Layla (4 year old).  They just kept saying they've never seen her so well behaved.  She stuck right by my side the entire time. 

I told her that it was ok for her to visit and talk and have fun, but I am her mommy, so she needs to listen to me, and the boys need to listen to their mommy.  She was an angel!  :)

This made me see that she is mine!  No one can change that now.  She sees me as HER mommy!  I keep her safe!  I listen to her!  I hold her when she needs reassurance that this is forever!  

The best part about the visit was getting a TON of pictures from them of the girls.  So now I have pictures from when Layla was 2, and when Molly was 4 up until now basically.  Plus we have some great shots of the girls and the boys together, as well as the boys on their own.  We bought a scrap book and after I get additional copies and scan the pictures, we will be scrapping for days! 

So I smile because my little girl is making so much progress and she is truly healing.  She amazes me to the point that some days I can't even remember the "bad" days we had just a month ago. 

The medication is helping, and she KNOWS it is.  In fact, she will ask for her medicine when it's time because I truly believe she can tell it is wearing off because her anxiety returns. 

I know I haven't posted much about my 6 year old lately, and I really need to.  I promise we don't just ignore her!  :)   Her progress is at a bit of a stand-still, and we have a lot in the works for helping her more right now.  I think for the first time since she entered care she is finally able to start processing the trauma, the loss, and she's trying to be a kid and fit in, but she's having a tough time!

I will post about her Monday because we've had some behaviors at school and this coming week we have some new appointments to help get her back on track! 

Overall, I couldn't be more pleased.  I feel like we're finally getting into more of a groove and I see the benefits of it for both of the girls!

Sad Day... Please Be Thankful!!!

First, the sad day wasn't ours. 

When I was TTC I was a member on the What To Expect forums.  I met a friend there named Lindsay, and she and I were both from Virginia, and pretty much in the same time line for appointments etc. 

We went on and stopped fertility treatments to adopt.  Lindsay and her husband did a cycle of injections and an IUI, and they conceived twin boys.  So very very sadly, just a month from her deliver date, with all of the plans made, Lindsay was in a terrible car accident!  She has many broken bones, but is on the mend physically.  Sadly, one of her prematurely delivered twin boys did not survive.  I am just so sick over this and completely heartbroken for she and her family.  I can't even imagine how she feels and my eyes well up with tears every time I think of her situation.   Please keep her family and her baby that is still trying to thrive in your thoughts. 

Attachment Therapy Games (Part 2 of 2)

Attachment Therapy Games (Part 1 of 2)

Blog 100!!! VIDEO BLOG!

As promised, we recorded the video blog for Attachment Therapy exercises.  I hope to do a few more video blogs (vlogs) in the future.  Once my girls are adopted, I would really like to include them in the videos.  My 4 year old is actually in the "Twinkle Twinkle" video, because we couldn't lift Maddie, but you can't see "Layla" because she's inside of the blanket. 

So enjoy the videos posted in their own posts  (there are two total).

Attachment Therapy Activities (A Must READ)

Attachment Therapy Activities

by Christie Q at http://quackenbaby.blogspot.com/

Feel free to share on your blogs.

Be animated, be funny, and be happy! 

Popcorn/Jellybeans:  When we first get into therapy (and at night now) we need to take our shoes off.  So we sniff the air and we smell popcorn or jelly beans.  Then we start to hunt around the feet to see if that is where the smell is coming from.  Then we take off the shoes and socks to find popcorn/jelly beans.  Then we pretend to eat the food/tickle her feet. 

Lotion on our Boo-Boos:  Next we ask if she has any boo-boos/freckles/etc. we need to look at.  And we put lotion on the “boo-boo” (as long as it wouldn’t hurt her). 

Climbing Up The Mountain:  Next we rub a TON of lotion on our hands, and take her arm into our grip, we then use our hands wrapped around her arm to “climb the mountain”.  We sing a little song… “I’m climbing up the mountain, I’m climbing up the mountain, I’m climbing up, and climbing up, and climbing up the mountain”.   Then at the top of the mountain (arm pit) we loose our grip and sliiiiiiiiiide down and ask her to catch us and then we boom and thrash around. 

Taco Girl:  She lays in the blanket aka taco shell.  Then we put all of the toppings with different sounds for each.  Hamburger, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream, salsa, then we wrap her up in the blanket.  Next, we pretend to “eat” the taco.  Tickling and saying, “this is one very yummy taco” the whole time. 

Twinkle Twinkle:  Since our Taco Girl is already laying in the blanket, one adult grabs the corners on their end, the other adult grabs the corners on their end, we lift her up and sing, “Twinkle, twinkle, little star WHAT A SPECIAL GIRL YOU ARE, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, twinkle, twinkle, little star, what a special girl you are”.   ---THIS IS A FAVORITE---

Weather Report:  This is done in therapy with her shirt on, but at home, we do it shirt off, w/ lotion for her back.  She sits facing away, and you sit behind her facing her back.  Then, you basically draw out the weather on her back.  Tickling, swishing, circling along the way.  “Right now it is dark (hands down back) and there is a moon in the sky (draw the moon) there are also lots of twinkling stars (dot out the stars), and some clouds too (clasp fingers together and blot clouds into the sky), OH LOOK, the sun is rising (draw the sun around the bottom of her back like it would be on the horizon, then it rising into the sky)  and the wind is blowing (breeze fingers left and right across her back).  You can get fun and creative with it… either way it is a favorite for my 4 yr old. 

Mirror:  Mirror is pretty simple, one of you is the person, the other is the mirror, and you mimic the person’s actions.  Do funny faces, wave hands, etc.  Personally, I love to do the “I love you” where I point to my eyes, make a heart, and point to her. 

Basketball:  Get a little stuffed toy/beanie baby and put it on your head, then she makes a basket ball hoop w/ her arms.  Then you try and bend your head down to make the toy fall into the hoop. 

Hide the Cotton:  Take five cotton balls and have your child hide them on herself.  Then you try and find them while making funny actions in the process.  I love to look in her ears, at her belly button, in her mouth, up her nose… etc. 

Cotton Ball Hockey:  Take a standard sized pillow, and each of you hold one end.  Then you put a cotton ball in the middle and blow it to knock it off.  You do this back and forth to try and score points. 

Push and Pull:  This is where you sit on the floor, knees bent in front, and she holds your hands and pushes you back, while she lands on your shins and you can lift her in the air or just rock forward and put her feet back on the floor.  Another variation could be lifting her on your feet like an “airplane” zooming in the sky. 

Snack Time:  Each therapy session we have a snack.  Favorites are Goldfish, Fruit Loops, and Fruit Gummies.   Mom needs to feed, and then child can feed mom too.  Then we pretend to be an animal or thing.  For Goldfish, you could be a whale, or dolphin… and when you want another bite, you make the sound that animal makes.  For Fruit Loops, you can be any animal, but a bird is fun.  I hold her in my arms and ask if the little birdie wants a snack.  She chirps.  I feed her the various flavors and describe them as fruits.  “Here comes a cherry little birdie”, “Chirp, chirp”  “Here comes a blueberry”, “Chirp, chirp”, “Here comes a lemon, lime, orange grape” etc.   

I also like to pretend I am picking the gummies from a fruit tree and feeding them to my baby.  So I will say, “Oh a patch of strawberries, I bet my baby likes strawberries” she will then cry and shake her head while I feed her.  Repeat for every type of fruit the gummy represents. 

She loves the snack time!  It is a lot of fun for both of us!

Shoe Race:  At the end of therapy, the doctor and I do a sock and shoe race and see who can get the shoe and sock on the fastest. 

I will be adding video of these the first of next week.  I will also add more activities as we discover them in our therapy sessions!  My lovely God-Daughter Maddie will be assisting me in the videos, since sadly I can’t record my girls for the public yet! :(

Creative Parenting/Theraplay

Parenting a hurt child is hard work.  They test you, they hit you, they spit at you, they scream obscenities but at the end of the day it is YOUR hard work that makes them feel safe, loved, and valuable.

My 4 year old and I go to therapy together each week.  We have an amazing therapist that has helped us a lot already.  We are doing attachment/Theraplay therapy.  It is fun, fast paced, and great to do at home too.

I wanted to touch on some of the creative things I do to encourage my girls first, and then go into some of the Theraplay activities.

First, getting out of bed for school can be so much work for a young child.  Heck, most days I just want to stay in bed.  Our 6 year old wakes up ready to rumble, whereas our 4 year old just wants to lie in bed until I get frustrated enough to pick her up and dress her.  Well, NOT ANYMORE!  

Every morning, I get up, shower, wake up my 6 yr old, wake up my 4 year old, and I tell my 4 year old, “It’s time for you to help Mommy blow dry her hair”.  She springs out of bed and heads for the bathroom.  I flip over my head and she blow dries my hair.  When she is finished, she goes into her room while I flat iron my hair.  I say, “Show Mommy how fast you are at getting dressed”, and she announces every piece as she puts it on herself.  “Mommy, I put on my panties”!  It has made my morning much more fun and enjoyable. 

The next thing we do to encourage them is we just let them HELP!  My girls take so much pride in what they do!  Letting them help (although rarely does it meet my “standard”) makes them feel special.  My 4 year old can cook her own corn-dog in the microwave, my 6 year old knows how to make a sandwich, pour drinks, etc. 

They love to mop/sweep my floors, hauling all of the laundry to the basement, filling the dishwasher, filling the dog food bowls.  

We don’t call it a “chore” because chore rhymes with “bore” and I don’t want them to think of it as a boring chore.  I want them to see it as a way to be in, and help their family. 

In an effort to keep this blog a little less cluttered.  I am going to post our Theraplay activities in their own entry.